Last night I went dancing. I had a date, and he took me dancing.
Huge screens of MTV music video promos. Bumpy bounce as you bounce dance floor. People my age, older, and younger. Billy Idol, Michael Jackson, the B-52s. Jugs of water, a bar if you needed it. Jumping around and not caring what anyone thought. The first run of those days were so long ago, but they didn’t feel that way while we were doing the moves.
I must say it was a bit jarring that my date has lost most of his hair.
My date was a good sport. On an earlier get together he asked me what I liked to do. I really had a hard time answering. I’ve been doing what other people want to do for a long time. Following the children around, promoting their interests, Wow! and if it was appealing to me, then I’d do it (whatever) too. Selective editing of activities so as not to cause embarrassment. Worry over everyone enjoying themselves.
Doing what was supposed to be interesting.
He said “how do you feel about dancing?”.
“I would love that..” I said. In fact, I felt like crying with relief.
Here’s a truth..I don’t much like classical music concerts. I respect the musicianship and the history, I just don’t have the joy I have when bopping around to ridiculous hits of the 80s. I don’t feel like crying the way I do when I hear “Landside” by Fleetwood Mac. Perhaps because I don’t have memories of 19th century Germany to transport me back in time.
I never really said to my ex “I don’t really love the classical music concerts”. He told me he liked them, but I never had the sense that they brought him joy. To me they seemed like “proper” activities, and he properly liked them. I could be wrong.
He liked Bruck Springsteen too, a lot. I don’t want to make him into a stodgy old man. I just didn’t see the joy.
Never, never was there dancing. Never. He couldn’t even remember the time I took him Tea Dancing in San Francisco when we were engaged. He didn’t like it; but played along politely. Years later, he couldn’t remember it.
And dancing was off the menu. For 25 years.
I’m not sure about my date, how much I like him. He reminds me a bit of a young man I knew in high school, not a looker, who loved me (and in fact, still does, as a friend). I could never muster up the romance for him. I have at times regretted my lack of feelings for him.
Too much analysis. I don’t know. I’ll have to dance along for now. Maybe that’s enough for today.