I succumbed again to illness.

I managed better this time.  Yesterday I felt progressively worse, hour by hour.   I called for help at work in the morning, but by evening I knew I couldn’t wait the two days for a doctor’s appointment. I called again at 2am and was seen a day earlier.

When they offered a chest x-ray, I accepted because it’s better to take the help than to power through.

It doesn’t look like pneumonia, but who wants to risk that? I could work myself to death and ignore it, like Jim Henson. And then I’d be dead.

I am stressed. I’m working too much, and I’m scared to stop. It’s a cash flow problem. I don’t want to stiff anyone. The dentist bill is already late. I’m juggling.  My accountant will be paid late, although he did extra work for me this year.

My life became overly complex, and I didn’t know it. Now I need to simplify. I am anxious to shed, shed, shed, responsibilities and dependents.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my dependents. It’s just that they are very, well, dependent.


I didn’t kick my husband out. He left me. That’s the truth. I’m not saying things were good…they weren’t. It wasn’t out of the blue. He saw his chance and took it. I had just been offered a good job.  I could support myself.  He left not just me, but the cats, the dog, the house, the yard, everything, with minimal guilt .

On the face of it, am I not the lucky one?  Didn’t I get the better deal?


However, a house needs maintenance, and utilities, and paint, and many other things. My ex hated that, so what an opportunity to get away from it all.  The realtor that assessed my house ( a man) said that was very typical. When men give up, they leave.


Not just the spouse.


He got rid of his dependents/responsibilities in one fell swoop.

He simplified.  He has his daughters part time, an apartment and a car.

One could say, poor man, he lost everything, or nearly so.

Or you could say, he freed himself, on his terms.


I am grateful for my job and my many opportunities. I am grateful that I can see a doctor and get a medicine for this cough, and an x-ray to rule out more serious problems. I have sick time for myself, healthy children, and a marvelous education that allows me many opportunities.

Yet I must simplify. My body is crying out..this is too much.  I need to untangle and shed.

I can’t just walk away so it will take awhile.  I’ll need to work hard, but wisely, in the meantime.

I must be patient, and drink my tea.  Accept help at every juncture. And pray.




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