I haven’t had to cope with making new friends in a really long time.
I’m also not sure what to do with unresolved old relationships, separate from my ex. Some unexpected folks have reached out to me, have invited me on excursions or to their homes for a break. Others have avoided me completely. Some have made calls, I’ve returned them, and then nothing happens. Others were really my friends all along, especially those related to my career. I hear from them, but they have their own families. They are busy.
I left my church, for multiple reasons. One, my ex is quite involved there. Two, my faith has transformed. I have been more attracted to Buddhism these days, an acceptance of life as it is, rather than the Christian hope for eternal life. I suspect the two philosophies may be the same thing, after all, but I’m not there yet.
I’ve been so occupied with settling finances and establishing myself at work, forming new relationships there. But they are collegial relationships. Some of the people are delightful, but I would not hang out with most of the folks. Part of it is my supervisory role. Part of it is a desire to take a break from work.
I remind myself I’ve had to make new friends before. I moved from Arizona to California to college. I adored my high school friends; it’s been suggested to me that they provided a safe haven from the expectations of my family. I did make new friends- my roommate, classmates. I have to say it took a good year to find friendships that lasted. I really missed my high school “family” that first year of college.I still am in contact with a couple of them. That was many years ago.
I could go and visit. One is in Colorado, one is in California.
I am going to sign up for a meditation instruction course at a local new agey Buddhist place. I don’t know what it will be like, but I’m willing to find out.
I’ve thought about taking a dance class…ballroom or swing. My ex avoided dancing at all costs. He didn’t want to feel embarrassed, I think. I wonder if dancing would have saved our marriage.
In any case, I think my loneliness has a desperate feel to it. I fear it’s becoming dangerous. Too much edgy television, too much worry.
I am open to suggestions.