Wanted: New Friends, suggestions requested

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I haven’t had to cope with making new friends in a really long time.

I’m also not sure what to do with unresolved old relationships, separate from my ex.  Some unexpected folks have reached out to me, have invited me on excursions or to their homes for a break.  Others have avoided me completely.  Some have made calls, I’ve returned them, and then nothing happens.  Others were really my friends all along, especially those related to my career.  I hear from them, but they have their own families. They are busy.

I left my church, for multiple reasons. One, my ex is quite involved there.  Two,  my faith has transformed.  I have been more attracted to Buddhism these days, an acceptance of life as it is, rather than the Christian hope for eternal life.  I suspect the two philosophies may be the same thing, after all, but I’m not there yet.

I’ve been so occupied with settling finances and establishing myself at work, forming new relationships there.  But they are collegial relationships. Some of the people are delightful, but I would not hang out with most of the folks. Part of it is my supervisory role. Part of it is a desire to take a break from work.

I remind myself I’ve had to make new friends before. I moved from Arizona to California to college. I adored my high school friends; it’s been suggested to me that they provided a safe haven from the expectations of my family.  I did make new friends- my roommate, classmates.  I have to say it took a good year to find friendships that lasted. I really missed my high school “family” that first year of college.I still am in contact with a couple of them.  That was many years ago.

I could go and visit.  One is in Colorado, one is in California.

I am going to sign up for a meditation instruction course at a local new agey Buddhist place.  I don’t know what it will be like, but I’m willing to find out.

I’ve thought about taking a dance class…ballroom or swing. My ex avoided dancing at all costs. He didn’t want to feel embarrassed, I think.  I wonder if dancing would have saved our marriage.

In any case, I think my loneliness has a desperate feel to it. I fear it’s becoming dangerous. Too much edgy television, too much worry.

I am open to suggestions.

 

 

 

 

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5 comments on “Wanted: New Friends, suggestions requested

  1. Suggestion:do sign up for everything that interests you and when feeling low, shut off the tv and radio, plug into a great audiobook instead, take a walk or do chores while listening -it allows one to switch tracks from personal thoughts to other ideas. Be well.

  2. I do not know that I have any answers, except to let you know that you are not alone in your feelings of aloneness because that is how I am at the moment as well. Our partnership was forty years and most of the friendships formed in those years were ‘ours’. Even for those that were not, the relationship changed because I was no longer who I was when I knew them; that is, I was no longer the married wife with children so we ceased to be in the same club. That hurt when they rejected me. It was not blatant rejection, but simply a feeling I no longer belonged. Recently I had a trip back to my childhood home town (my mother still lives there) and sought out the company of two old friends from my school days with whom my only contact has been Christmas cards for forty years. I really enjoyed myself, because there was no connection with him, and they knew me simply as me. I have resolved that I need to form new friendships in completely new areas, and I intend to join some groups or do some volunteering. By “intend”, my life is a whirl of property settlement and work issues at present, and in my quiet moments I still need time to myself.

    • Wow. You describe much of my life completely. Not forty years, but 25 is still a long time. It’s interesting…the folks that knew me before I was married and continued being my friends afterwards are still in touch. It’s the ones that knew us as a couple that are withdrawing. I also reconnected with a high school friend and that’s been great.
      I also have friends from independent activities, but I only ever saw them vis a vis those activities, so they are not close friends.
      Ditto on the work and property settlement issues. Never seems to end!
      Thanks for responding. I feel less alone.

      • I have found the blogging community to be my strength through this turmoil and I have made great friends in this cyber world.
        Yes, you are not alone.

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