Taxman hangover

 

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“If you drive a car, I’ll tax the street,
If you try to sit, I’ll tax your seat.
If you get too cold I’ll tax the heat,
If you take a walk, I’ll tax your feet.”

And you’re working for no one, but me”

“Taxman”  George Harrison

 

I did it. I finished the taxes.

I owe, and I owe big, but not nearly as big as I thought.  I think my accountant had pity on me, because he signed it “it will be easier next year”.

Okay.  I guess.  Theoretically, I’m okay with taxes. I like people to have healthcare. Not so thrilled about WMDs, so I wish I could allocate, but so be it.

This year, the task was more the issue. Divorce is a nightmare of paperwork. The prospect of digging up papers, electronic or physical, I’m sure is enough to keep some people together in misery for the rest of their lives. Find the title for this, find the records for that. Submit them. Resubmit them.  Have them evaluated. Watch out for the adding and the subtracting. Have the house valued. Have it valued again.  Get a credit card. Cancel a credit card. Remove names. Thanks, that will be a fee…just a small one.

If you really want a fun twist on things, have a few arguments over who’s going to find the papers to whatever, and who’s going to pay the fee to have someone named Amber or Eric enter a few backspaces and change an entry on a computer screen.

Then, fill out the financial aid forms for college…. Wait! it’s tax time…do it all over again.  Please reiterate the decisions you made in the settlement.  Only five more times.

I am seriously considering leasing a large billboard on a major interstate.  My W-2s, W-9s, and 1099 blippety blahs can all be listed there and anyone can drive by and take a photo to download for their specific use.  My financial records are so public at this point that they are in the possession of at least fifty of my closest associates.  

Please feel free to look them up…if you’re bored.

Divorce, I must admit, is for the top twenty percent.  I’m not saying one percent, because I’m not that. However, I can see why divorce is never even addressed by some folks. It’s simply too complicated and expensive.  I know several people who “came to an understanding” with a spouse and no papers were ever filed.

I’ve always been so good at handing in my assignments, though. “A” for effort again.

I did find out some fun things about my accountant. He advised me not to worry so much and listen to ZZ Top.  He was blowing off steam with Jimi Hendrix the last time I emailed him.  He doesn’t look the part, sneaky fellow, but he’s a real rocker.

His bill will arrive in about a month.  Sixty per cent is deductible on next year’s taxes.

Rock on.

 

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2 comments on “Taxman hangover

  1. I sympathise with you. It is one of the most thankless tasks, and made worse by the divorce paperwork overtones I am sure.
    You deserve a medal to have kept your sanity intact. 🙂

  2. I’m lucky to have the income I have…no complaints. I will have to rely on my accountant and ZZ top and hope next year will be easier! I am getting much more savvy and clever regarding all these matters…whether my sanity is intact is up for debate!

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