I’m sick today. Nothing serious, just a bad cold. I decided not to go to work. I was up at five am, and then passed out again until ten.
Only one local friend and my daughter know that I am home here alone.
I’ve thought more than once about what would happen if I were seriously ill. Two years ago, on a Sunday night, I felt very strange. I lost my appetite. I needed to walk around and my stomach was a bit sore. Five hours later I thought I was having another baby, although I had by then succumbed to taking tylenol with an Oxycontin chaser. Oxycontin was left over from some other ailment, probably a migraine episode.
My ex’s migraines. He refused to get more effective medication for his migraines until I dragged his daughter to the neurologist when she came down with the same problem at age nine. Consequently, I have a stockpile of vicodin and Osycontin, like most American homes, I suspect.
Long digression. The Oxyocntin didn’t work, and I was begging for a ride to the hospital by 11 pm. I threw up on the ride.
There was already enough emotional distance between my ex and I that the nurse at the ER asked if he was a friend or a spouse. Pretty soon it didn’t matter. I was pumped full of Dilaudid and I didn’t give a damn who I was married to.
It was a kidney stone.
I’m not sure what my ex did. He did stay around and I had a scan and a lot more medication and then I threw up and they kept me longer and I went home in the early morning. I spent the next day in bed. I remember I asked for water and didn’t get any.
I was okay. It was a tiny stone, just in the wrong place. Another day of pain killers, a follow up visit, a belly that felt like it had been punched a few times.
Today is not nearly so bad. I even ran to the bank. Came back with a fever, but spent a good fifteen minutes outside the house. I had some things to eat, like tea and juice and strawberries and Top Ramen. I spent most of the day on the couch, watching reruns of the West Wing and movies I’d seen before. I’ll probably go to work tomorrow with lots of Kleenex and a store of ibuprofen in the car.
I’ll drive slow and keep the bar low for the day. Thank goodness for guest speakers.
What scares me is …what happens next time? I am going to be living alone. Should I get an alarm button? I’m middle aged, not elderly, but if I couldn’t make it to a phone…or if I had an illness that required continued support or supervision? What then? A friend of mine had a recurrence of long absent MS symptoms this past year. She has a husband and fairly active parents to help her.
I’m glad her family was there for her. I don’t have that.
I’m okay today. I hope I will be tomorrow. I need coping strategies for “sick, and single”.