My daughter and I argue at the beginning and the end of our time together.

Let me be clear…I absolutely hate that she is not here full time with me. I hate it. I hate that she goes back to her dad’s apartment. I hate that she leaves me.  I hate that it has come to this.

I know I’m supposed to say that it’s great that her father wants a relationship with her, and she with him. I’m supposed to say, “well, he’s not an alcoholic and a jerk, thank goodness, so she’s safe.”

Screw it. I miss her, and I’d rather she be with me. Period.


Today’s fight was about her senior pictures. Terrible. She earned them herself by working for the photographer. Then for some inexplicable reason, she put them all in her backpack.  She’s been carrying them around for at least two months.She left the backpack on the floor, the cat peed on the backpack, and I washed the backpack with pictures (small ones) inside.  I thought I had gotten everything out. I hadn’t.

Of course, that’s my fault.  Even though I have punished the cat, and have told her about one billion times not to leave her things on the floor, just because the cat screws up sometimes.  Even though I’ve begged her to change the litter upstairs.

Of course, she never heard me say that. Not even once.

I wrote her a check for $99, which she estimates is the replacement cost. She works for the photographer, and she knows he keeps the photos for three years or so, so they can be replaced.  Not all of them are ruined, but being a photographer herself, the slightest flaw makes them ruined completely.

I don’t blame her for being upset, and I also think she’s spoiled and contributed to this fight.


I hate fighting with her, right before she leaves.  I love her beyond measure. I am so disappointed for her, and I am so angry that Mr. Good Guy shows up to bring her to his house, where nothing bad ever happens.  Or if it does, she keeps it to herself. I don’t ask. I suspect we fight more, because we are mother and daughter, and because we are alike, and because we are close. 

She can’t see that her father doesn’t fill out the financial aid forms.  That I pay for the horses.  I do my very best to make a nice home for her under horrible circumstances. I recognize i am a complete failure in her eyes.  What can I do?

I can’t see the solution here.  I’ve tried to explain the difficulty I have with these comings and goings. I’ve tried to stay as calm as I can. The fights continue, stupid issues that upset us both. Ruined photos.  Changes of plans. Daughters growing up. 

It’s no fun.


2 comments on “Fighting

  1. Just so difficult. I think it IS typical mother/daughter stuff and the fact that she feels close enough to you to have these fights (many scenarios could be displaced anger from other events/situations where she does NOT feel comfortable enough to express herself) because she knows she has your 100% unconditional love. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

  2. Thanks for your kind words. Senior year for the same sex parent is often a challenge, but I really don’t like this. At all. Truth.

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