That’s all I wanted last night.
I called a long term friend, and asked him about whether the refinancing deal on my house seemed good and reasonable to him.
He bludgeoned me with the idea that I should refinance, but only to sell. “You’re a single woman living alone in a big house-that house should be enjoyed by a family”.
I explained I had my large dog and it’s not really easy to rent in this area with my dog. I have a good deal on my mortgage, too. I’m not up for getting rid of my dog. It’s too much loss for me right now. I’ve had TONS of loss.
He wasn’t interested.
“All you do is worry about money, that’s all I hear about. Get rid of your house. Get rid of your dog. It’s obvious your primary concern is about money.”
Well, I’m not going to kill my dog because he’s healthy. He also has separation anxiety and that makes him a hard give away.
THAT”S NOT WHY I CALLED!!!!
I wanted advice on whether I should refinance and fix my roof, whether the deal I was being offered was a solid deal. That’s it. NOT a dissertation on my worries or the fact I shouldn’t have my dog or that I don’t deserve the house I have. PROBABLY YOU’RE RIGHT, I wanted to scream. I DON’T DESERVE ANYTHING because I”M SUCH A FUCK UP!!!
I just wanted a sounding board.
I have a feeling I’m being put into the role of his (not quite yet) ex-wife, who had and has a fiery argumentative relationship with him. I have no interest filling that role. He liked me better when I just listened to him, just like all men, as far as I can tell, want women to be understanding mommies and just listen to them.
Please forgive me if any men out there reading believe you are different. You’ll have to prove it to me now. I haven’t seen an exception yet…perhaps for very limited periods under very specific circumstances.
I have so few friends, I don’t want to avoid him. I think I might have to. He’s been kind in the past, and this confuses me. So many men are kind “in the past” and I give them so much leeway for current behavior I don’t like.
More loss, more sad, agonizing, dreadful loss and loneliness. I feel ill.
Everything seems like a betrayal to me. I know I’m overblowing this. I know what his issues and challenges are, but I have no one to go to with these decisions..just to be a sounding board.
I just wanted a little advice. I know I’m a fuck up, I said that earlier. Do I need to hear it again and again?