Eating alone

ImageMy dog has a habit of waiting for me to eat.

Sometimes he’ll dive in, especially in the morning. In the evening, though, he often expects to eat when I do. I’ll sit down with a plate of food, and he’ll then start his dinner.  

I understand this is pack behavior, and he’s probably down the hierarchy in terms of dominance. I’m clearly the one he looks to for clues as to what to do. He also has tremendous separation anxiety, and depressive behaviors when I leave the house, according to my daughter and other dog sitters.

I also hate to eat alone at home. I’m actually better going to restaurants alone, which bothers many people. I just feel so lonely with my single plate of food, sitting at my counter.  I also dislike grocery shopping, so sometimes I just skip the whole thing. I often don’t feel hungry, but try to pay attention to when I feel weak or cold, because that’s a clue I need to stoke the furnace.

Yesterday  i  had depressive behaviors all day. Didn’t want to leave the house. Wanted to lay on the sofa and distract myself with TV. Couldn’t concentrate. Should have done things I didn’t do, like grade my students’ last assignment.

I phoned a friend, my best friend. I said openly that I was lonely and invited her for a beer. She texted  “lonely sucks” and came right over.When she arrived, I immediately felt hunger. I invited her to share a pizza. She didn’t want any, but I got one anyway and found I could eat while she was there. I even got a Ceasar salad.  We talked about dating websites (I made the mistake of actually looking at one, the rising panic in my chest nearly choked me, so I got off there fast).

We talked about how charmed she was when one of her dates sidled up to her and said, “I’d marry you right now”.

I told her I never wanted to hear that kind of talk again. But see, I do, I am just so afraid that it’s bullshit. So position is, for now, if you think you love me (you don’t)  or think I’m attractive, don’t talk to me that way.  Actions speak louder than words, and I’m a sucker for charming words, and I don’t want to be tricked.

Lonely or tricked…those seem like my options.

It’s a truncated menu, and probably there are other things that could be cooked up. But my appetite can’t conceive of them.

I am open to ideas about eating…send them along if you care to.

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6 comments on “Eating alone

  1. Christina says:

    Keep your chin up.
    Ben and Jerry’s has never failed me.

  2. I feel you sister, I’m in a similar boat. If you were I’m my city I’d love to dine with you ♡

  3. I am clicking the “follow” button immediately, if not sooner. You are MY KIND of blogger. Hang tight.

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